


meet you back on kingsley street where we fell (for the only thing we ever feared)

by caffeinated_pens



Category: The Bright Sessions (Podcast)
Genre: F/M, Kissing, Non-Explicit Sex, Sex, TBSRPW, The Bright Sessions Rare Pair Week, nerds avoiding their feelings, owen being owen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-23 01:06:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15594849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caffeinated_pens/pseuds/caffeinated_pens
Summary: She needs to feel alright.





	meet you back on kingsley street where we fell (for the only thing we ever feared)

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Better Than Love by Hayley Kiyoko.

It’s a sort of subtle silence.  The type of silence that you don’t notice until you become painfully aware of the person across from you.  A silence you don’t stop to think about until you’re staring right at them, wondering if they’re aware of how quiet it is, or if you’ve lost your mind.  It takes Joan exactly fifteen minutes to look over at him. It reminds her of the old days, for a moment she forgets that it isn’t the old days. Watching his hair fall across his forehead as he jots down notes furiously with papers and files scattered across the table almost makes the years turn back.  She almost forgets everything.

 

She almost wishes she could forget everything.  Because she really isn’t ready to forgive him, and she doesn’t want to forget what he’d done to them all.  She just wants for a few brief minutes to pretend that they’re still fine. That everything they thought they knew hasn’t been crashing around them seemingly on repeat for the last three years.

 

“What, do I have something in my teeth?”  His smile is almost as happy as it was before, but now she can see the fear in his eyes, it doesn’t seem to go away.  The grin isn’t any less sincere though. It might warm her heart if she wasn’t about five cups of coffee passed having a heart.

 

“Oh, no, um, I’m sorry.”  She sighed, attempting to narrow her focus back to the file in front of her.

 

“You look exhausted.”

 

“I am, if we’re being completely honest.  However you are not looking too perfect yourself.”

 

“Take a break,” he muttered.  “Get a nap, the files will be here when you wake up.”

 

“We don’t have much time, Owen.  I’ve pulled all nighters before.”

 

“Just an hour, you need the rest. Please?  I promise I won’t steal top secret information or sabotage the plan while you sleep.”

 

“The fact that you need to promise that does raise some alarms.”  She smiled.

 

“I also promise not to murder you.”

 

“But what about permanent injury?  I’m onto you, Green.”

 

“Alas, you’ve foiled my plot.”  He smirked, standing up and walking over to the couch.  She turned to watch where he was going just in time to have a blanket hurled towards her face.

 

“You really want me to take a nap don’t you?”

 

He doesn’t reply, just walks back over to her and drapes the blanket comfortably on her shoulders.  

 

“Fine.  One hour.  I’m setting an alarm.”

 

He smiled at her.  “Good. I’ll get back to work on the research.”

 

She debated turning towards her bedroom, instead electing to burrow into up on the couch with the blanket.  She doesn’t stop to think about unhooking her bra and pulling it out from her shirt. She does hesitate a bit before kicking off her jeans, but there’s no modesty between them, nor is she awake enough to care if there should be.

 

She knows she’s tired, it’s hard for her to ignore the physical exhaustion pushing at all edges of her body.  She wanted to sleep, but nothing stopped her eyelids from fluttering open. “This is pointless,” she sighed eventually.

 

      “Let’s see what movies you have then.”

 

      “You’re suggesting we take a break from our time sensitive research to watch a movie?”

 

      “Well… Yes?”  It’s out of character for him and she knows it.  That’s probably the only reason she sighs and shows him to the shelf of DVDs in the corner, rather than returning to the files.

 

      She’s honestly not sure which disk he ends up inserting into the DVD player.  One of the scratched up old ones Mark got at a garage sale. She makes sure to wrap up in the blanket as tight as possible.  She doesn’t care if she’s hogging it, she made the decision to take her pants off. Being this close is one thing, but her bare legs are  _ not _ rubbing against him.

 

      She rarely ever wore jeans, she wasn’t sure she even had more than one pair.  But there were marks on her from where the waistband had been pressing, so it was clear they were getting to be too small.

 

      She didn’t resist the arm around her shoulders, instead she leaned in.  This was one hour and twenty-six minutes to indulge in every urge to reach out to another person, a chance to relieve herself slightly of the loneliness that came with being devoid of touch for years.  Right now, it almost feels like old times.

 

Pressing the closest to him that she could, she wanted to make everything turn back.  She wanted to forget everything. She wanted it to stop. She wanted nothing outside of this moment, outside of the two of them.  But she’s painfully tethered to reality right now.

 

And she can tell there’s something different about him.  It’s in the way he’s holding himself, and in the way he’s barely focusing on the screen.  She can feel tension in his body as she buries herself in his shoulder. She raises her arm to wrap it around him and place her hand on his back.

 

“Wha-”  He looks surprised, she knows he didn’t think she’d even acknowledge him.

 

“Shh,” she mutters, trying to work the knots out of his back.

 

“I love you.  I never stopped being in love with you.   I know you hate me and I know  _ you know _ I love you, but I need to say it out loud.  You’re the love of my life, and I’m so so sorry.”  He turns abruptly to face her. She can see the fear in his eyes up close this time, she can see the tears welling up and it hits her that tomorrow could change the course of his life forever, that they have no idea what to expect or how they’re going to win this, only that they have to.

 

The sound of the movie in the background is intruding on their silence, making it aggravatingly hard to think.  Hard to know how to respond. So she responds the only way she knows how to at the moment. Because her brain is fried and and the words don’t seem to be forming in her mouth right.  All she wants to do is make the years melt away. Because now they’re both crying, they’re both scared, and she doesn’t want to feel lonely, she’s always lonely. No matter the fact that Mark is sound asleep in the next room, or that Sam is only a phone call away when she needs her, the only thing that’s ever been able to stave away the dreadful feeling was this.

 

His arms slipping around her waist as she pulls herself free from the blanket, her legs wrapping around his like an old habit they never quite forgot.  He leans back, face still streaked with tears. “Do you really want this?”

 

She dismisses the question.  “I need it.” She doesn’t forgive him.  This doesn’t mean things are right between them.  This doesn’t mean things will be the same. She can tell he knows that without her having to say it aloud.  But she needs to feel alright.

 

He fumbles for the remote to shut the movie off, he doesn’t want anything to cover up the moan she makes as he brings his mouth to her collarbone, because  _ god he missed that sound _ .  If they’re going to do this they should probably take it to her room lest they risk her brother walking in at any moment, but her hand is in his hair and she’s practically straddling him.

 

She forgot how easily he could pick her up.  But now she’s breaking the kiss to guide him to her room.  As he starts fumbling with the buttons to his shirt she starts to feel increasingly underdressed, prompting her to swiftly pull away from his arms, shoving him to the bed and climbing over to complete the task for him.

 

As the layers of clothes between them strip away and the night goes on she can feel everything leave her mind.  She knows they don’t have much time to finish they’re research, she knows that tomorrow everything could change for better or for worse, and she knows that nothing is the same, that the awkward space between them will never go away, that she can never love him the way she did, that things can’t be the way they used to be no matter how hard they try.  But that doesn’t matter right now, because he’s here, and he’s pressed up against her and he’s as beautiful as he always was, and she doesn’t have to worry. She doesn’t have to worry right now.


End file.
